when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
