My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
