i will never coherently bang her
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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