Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
