ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
