how can u be prego again
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
