i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
