For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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