Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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