dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
