Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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