Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
