That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
