3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Life is so much better after having sex.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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