Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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