Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
