that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
