ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
