i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
