Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
