We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
