I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
