I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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