At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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