he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
