I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
