she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
