he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
