If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
