I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
