it was like his penis was on wheels.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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