she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
and she was petting her beer can
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
