worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
