I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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