i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
