You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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