Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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