If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
