meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
