:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
