and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
