We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
