Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
