guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
