her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
