I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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