either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
