Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
