I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
