we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
