she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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