You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
