sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And the cops told us we were all naked.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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